i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
