New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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