my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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