You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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