I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
