I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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