Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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