Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
