We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
