Just fell off a train. Bad.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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