if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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