I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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