It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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