from now on my penis is your penis
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
