I need help removing her.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
