I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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