actually, I'm a sock model
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
