she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
