I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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