Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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