Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's just like the Real World with babies
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
