Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
