forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
