What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
