Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
