Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
