Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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