what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
