im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
