he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
