forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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