the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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