Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
