I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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