We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
