i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
