I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
