That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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