I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
