We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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