So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
