she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
