he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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