it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
