i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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