Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
