I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
