"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
