Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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