He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
