I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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