new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
